


What The F*** Are you Thinking?

by Andromedanewton



Series: Anita and Edward (my canon divergence) [6]
Category: Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter - Laurell K. Hamilton
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Arguing, Bitchiness, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-07-29 21:57:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7701235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andromedanewton/pseuds/Andromedanewton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Edward is forced to explain himself, and Van Cleef makes a move.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What The F*** Are you Thinking?

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go, next part! Now, this is extra extra long, because I meant to split it into two chapters but I missed the page break when numbering parts so, hey, one extra large chapter to celebrate the weekend! How about that!

‘Who the hell are you?’ The woman demanded angrily as I grabbed Ted’s shirt and pulled it on, protecting my modesty if nothing else. She was at least forty, her no-nonsense haircut put me in mind of a soccer mom but her clothes leant towards the more new age, hippy resurgence.  
‘Um, I’m, no one. I’m….TED!’ I screamed at the top of my lungs, not sure what I was supposed to do. Should I be threatening her? Tell her to get out? Was she his housekeeper? She didn’t look armed but that didn’t mean anything, although she was holding a hessian bag with flowers sticking out of it.  
‘What’s up….oh shit.’ He appeared in the hallway and his face fell. ‘Hey, Donna, what’re you doing here?’  
‘Walking in on something I shouldn’t be, by the look of it.’ She glared at him.  
‘Donna, this is Anita, Anita Blake.’ He came towards her slowly. ‘You know who Anita is.’  
‘I know who Anita is but why is she half naked in your living room?’ She barked as I continued to get redressed, feeling decidedly awkward.  
‘I spilled water on my shirt. Ted leant me his shirt. See?’ I held my wet shirt out to show her, hoping it might diffuse whatever the hell was going on.  
She glared at me. ‘Your State shirt? You always told me it was too sentimental to wear!’ She flicked her flippy do so she faced him again.  
‘I didn’t realise which I’d chosen.’ Edward reached her and bowed his head to kiss her cheek. She was a few inches shorter than him, not as many as me, but I wouldn’t have got that close to her with that fire in her eyes.  
‘And I didn’t even know you were back, let alone bringing a…a guest.’ She spat the last word.  
‘We aren’t staying, honeypot. We have to get back on the road. We’re loading up and heading out.’ Honeypot? Oh boy, there was more to this than I realised. Probably not a housekeeper. I put my shirt back down, she obviously didn’t care why I was undressed, just that I was and that I was apparently wearing some shirt sentimentally special to Ted. I pulled up my shoulder rig and reholstered the Browning.  
‘You couldn’t even call to say hi?’ She pouted and it was much too young a gesture for the crows feet around her eyes.  
‘I’m sorry, I should have. Forgive me?’ His drawl was back again and the look he gave her was almost pathetic.  
‘I suppose.’ She cupped his cheek with her hand and kissed him softly. ‘Now you get to do the proper thing and introduce us.’  
I had been about to turn and head back to the kitchen, just to get out of the way, maybe vomit from the saccharine and scream into a cushion at the fact I had obviously missed something about his personal life, but no, apparently we needed a proper introduction.  
‘Of course. Donna, this is Anita Blake. Anita, this is Donna Parnell.’  
She offered me her hand and it was good firm shake. ‘His fiancée.’  
‘Ohhh.’ I said without breaking eye contact with her. ‘Great to meet you, Donna.’  
‘You too, finally. I’ve heard so much about you.’  
‘You have?’ I asked in surprise.  
‘So much. It’s so nice to meet you in the flesh. Oh, literally I guess.’ There was venom in that last sentence. I spied the green eyed monster at work and damn if she didn’t have good reason. She let go of my hand and went back to ignoring me again. ‘I wish you’d told me you were back for a while, I’d have brought the kids.’  
‘Kids?’ I almost choked on the word.  
‘Donna has two kids, Peter and Becca.’ Ted was totally there in front of me, no sign of Edward, lopsided smile in place, not even an apology or pleading in his eyes at the situation. Damn he was good.  
‘But we’d like more, wouldn’t we.’ She wrapped her arms around his waist and snuggled against him.  
‘That’s…great, just great. Will you excuse me? Bathroom this way?’ I pointed to the hallway and Donna made sure she answered.  
‘Second on your right.’  
‘Thanks.’  
Once I was safely locked inside I leant against the door and let out a breath. Ted had, what? A family? A life? A fucking fiancée? Oh my God. I sat on the closed toilet seat and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down. I wasn’t sure if I was mad, in a state of shock or disappointed. Maybe a bit of each one, but a family? Actual kids and a fiancée? Fuck.  
Minutes later there was a knock on the door and Edward’s voice came through the wood. ‘She’s gone.’ I didn’t answer, didn’t even move other than to look at the door, considering what I should do, what I should say. ‘Anita, c’mon. Open up or I’ll have to open it. We both know you aren’t going to stay in there indefinitely.’  
I glanced at the window, too high but just about large enough I could get through if I really wanted to, but where would I go? I was in danger and he was the best person to watch over me, to get the threat off my back. Running wasn’t an option, not from him. I got up when he knocked again and threw the door open, letting all the emotions run into anger.  
‘What the actual fuck?’ I said and I saw something that wasn’t in his eyes earlier; regret.  
‘I didn’t mean for you to find out like this. Hell, I didn’t mean for you to find out at all.’  
I pushed past him with a frustrated growl. ‘Not find out? Edward, you’re fucking engaged! You’re spoken for! I’m the other woman!’ I stormed into the first living room again.  
‘She doesn’t mean the same to me as you do. She’s Ted’s fiancée, not mine.’ He said like it was the most reasonable thing in the world.  
‘No, Edward, she’s your fiancée, you and Ted are one in the same physically, you share the same body, you are engaged, to a woman with kids! What the fuck are you thinking!’  
‘It’s a good cover.’ He shrugged and put his hands in his pockets. I didn’t think I had ever seen him do that before as it left him unable to reach for weapons. ‘And it got a little out of hand.’  
‘Out of…?’ I stopped and ran my hand into my hair. ‘You know what, put me on a flight back to St Louis, because I can’t deal with this shit.’  
‘I can’t do that.’ He shook his head. ‘I won’t do that. Even when you’re safe I don’t think I can let you go.’  
‘So we can what? Start some little polyamorous love nest with the soccer mom and two point whatever kids?’ I let him see the hurt this had caused behind the anger.  
‘No. I would leave Donna, I will leave Donna. She doesn’t mean half as much to me as you do.’  
‘You asked her to marry you.’ I said, deliberately emphasising every word.  
‘She suggested it and Ted didn’t disagree.’ He admitted somewhat sheepishly.  
‘Why didn’t you ever tell me?’  
He sighed and moved to lean on the couch near me but I took a step back, staying out of arms reach. ‘Because,’ he sighed and took his hands out of his pocket, crossing them over his chest instead but it wasn’t a gesture of annoyance, more he didn’t know what to do with his hands, ‘I had to do something because I never thought I could have you. Never thought there was even the remotest of chances for us. I made the best of what I had, what Ted had. I’m regretting that now, but don’t think for a second I would put her before you. It’s a lie and I’m not the only one who knows that.’  
‘What do you mean?’ I frowned, not understanding.  
‘I mean why do you think Van Cleef came for you, not Donna? Because he knows what I feel for her is a sham. It’s all a cover. But you?’ He straightened again and dropped his arms to his sides, approaching me carefully. ‘It’s real. It always has been and always will be. That’s why he went for you. Because he knows I would crawl out of hell itself to save you, to keep you safe.’  
I shook my head but didn’t back up further. ‘You should have told me, even if it’s a lie. You shouldn’t have brought me here blind!’  
‘I shouldn’t, and I’m sorry.’ He had reached me and raised his arms tentatively, his palms touching my biceps where I was hugging myself, rubbing my arms softly, raising the loose sleeves of his shirt so our skin touched.  
‘Does she know it’s a sham?’ I spoke quietly but I knew he would hear. ‘Do the kids know?’ His hands froze on me and I knew it was true. They really thought Ted was going to be their new husband and daddy some day. I think it hurt me more that he had lied to a pair of kids than to me. ‘They don’t know.’ I answered for him and I looked at my feet, disappointed even though I had known the answer.  
‘I’ll end it. You say the word and I make the call.’ He whispered and I shook my head.  
‘That’s not my decision to make.’ I stepped out of his arms. ‘If you want to come back here as Ted and carry on afterwards, then you need this, you need them, to fall back on.’  
‘And if I don’t want to come back to them?’  
‘You need to think about it. Seriously. We both do.’ I went back to the kitchen and realised I was right. What were we going to do when this was over? Go back to Jean Claude and St Louis with Edward in tow, try explaining that one, or stay here and be the one who broke up Ted Forrester’s perfect ready made family? I was tied to Jean Claude, and while it was hard to admit it, I did love him, even if he didn’t breathe, and Edward wasn’t in St Louis often. I hadn’t thought any further than the immediate until this point. It had made me realise Edward was more than a friend to me, more than a fellow hunter, but it complicated things so much more. This might not actually work, for either of us. It might just be we were caught up in the danger we were in, he might feel differently when we had dealt with this, for all his pretty words. It just didn’t seem practical.  
I sat at the breakfast bar with my back to the door, shoulders hunched, and allowed myself to do what I had been putting off, fighting, for days. I cried.

Edward came in some time later, when the tears had dried up, the sniffling subsided and my mind almost made up. This needed talking through. Maybe not now, when we had other things that needed fixing, like the whole Van Cleef mess, but eventually. Edward was engaged, or Ted was, both I guess, and whether it meant something to him or not, it did to me, and it did to that woman and her two kids. I didn’t want to be a home wrecker, I just wanted…what did I want? I had thought I had been happy with the arrangement Jean Claude and I had, and he did seem to care, but Edward, Edward was…he just was. He was something I had always wanted, human, a mass murdering human, but still human, and he said he cared for me, made me feel like I mattered to him, that I was more than just an animator, or executioner, or human servant. I was his equal and he not only acknowledged that but appreciated it. We didn’t think one another blood thirsty, as Richard had with me, we were both practical in our application of violence, we were compatible on so many levels, so why was this such a problem?  
He put a mug of coffee in front of me followed by a candy bar. I wasn’t sure where he had got it from, maybe Death had a secret stash, but it made me laugh, if somewhat pathetically. ‘If in doubt, give a woman chocolate.’ He said before retreating back to the coffee pot where he began filling a thermos.  
‘Thanks.’ I murmured. I sipped the coffee first then unwrapped the chocolate bar. It was cold, Santa Fe was too warm even with air con to keep chocolate out of the refrigerator, but I dipped the corner of the chunk I had broken off in my coffee before putting it in my mouth, helping it melt quicker. ‘What’s the plan?’  
‘With?’ He asked without looking up.  
‘Van Cleef. What do we do, where do we go? We need a plan.’  
‘I have one.’ He fastened the lid on the flask and screwed on the double mug lid.  
‘You want to let me in on it?’  
‘I’m just running another algorithm to see if I can locate him.’ He picked up his own mug, bearing the logo that matched the shirt he had leant me for sleeping, and leant against the counter behind him. ‘Then we go after him.’  
‘You’re going to let me join in?’ I said in surprise. I actually thought he was going to hit Van Cleef himself, find somewhere to hide me or whatever while he did so.  
‘You’re going to show him you’re no push over.’  
‘Sounds like fun.’  
‘You have no idea.’ He gave me a small smile but then it was gone, as quickly as it appeared, his face serious again. ‘I meant what I said.’  
‘You’re going to need to be more specific.’  
He came forward and leaned on his elbows on the counter in front of me, his coffee still between his hands. ‘I will leave her, I will leave here, for you, if you say you’ll have me.’  
I looked up into his imploring eyes and I swallowed. I didn’t know how to answer. ‘It’s not that simple.’  
‘It is.’  
I shook my head, the motion making my hair catch on his. ‘It isn’t. There’s so much more to consider.’  
‘You don’t think I’ll do it?’  
‘I think you will, I just don’t think you’ve thought through the whole thing.’  
‘It’s the first step, and I want us to take it together.’  
I leaned forward and kissed him softly, I couldn’t not when he was just there, and drew back, keeping my eyes closed. ‘We need to talk this through properly.’  
‘But you still feel the same about me? Even after what you found out?’ I nodded and it was him who closed the gap this time, the kiss lingering just a moment longer than the last. ‘That’s all I need to hear.’ He straightened and left his coffee where it was, going to the phone on the wall. He pressed one of the speed dial buttons, all the while staring at me while I frowned, uncertain as to what he was actually doing.  
‘Donna?’ Oh shit, he wasn’t? Was he?’ ‘Listen, I’m sorry to do this over the phone, but I’m leaving you. I’m sorry it got this far but, I just don’t love you. I’m in love with Anita.’  
‘Don’t you blame me, you shit!’ I hissed as I got off the chair and punched him in the arm. I could hear Donna screaming over the phone as I glared at him.  
‘I know you’re mad, you have every right to be, but I have to try and make it work with Anita. I thought you could make me forget her, move on, but nothing can.’ More screaming and I covered my face with my hands. It was a good thing we were leaving because I was pretty sure she would be on her way back here to stab me or something. She paused in her rant and I guess she had asked a question as he answered one. ‘Nothing ever happened with us, until last night. I didn’t even know Anita felt the same. I don’t think even she did.’  
‘Oh my God, I’m dead. I’m in hell.’ I mumbled as I walked away, unable to listen to the screaming any more.  
The last thing I heard him say before I left the room was; ‘Keep the ring, or sell it, whatever, but if you could let me have my key back, I’d appreciate it.’  
I went and sat on the couch with my head in my hands. I guess that proved to me he was serious, if nothing else.  
He came into the room and put my coffee on a coaster on the coffee table in front of me. ‘You left that behind.’  
‘You know when you come back here she will have shredded your upholstery and written abuse on your shiny clean walls, right?’  
‘Worth it.’ He shrugged. He sat beside me, his body facing me, one hand on the back of the couch. ‘You get a turn in a few hours.’  
‘A turn at what?’ I frowned at him.  
‘Calling fang face and dumping him.’  
‘And tell him what? That I’m setting up a love nest with Death?’ I asked in horror at how Jean Claude would react to such news.  
‘Sure.’  
‘Is that what we’re going to do? Because I’m not sure Jean Claude will go for it.’  
‘Offer to keep powering him, stay his human servant, but not his lover. He won’t have an empty bed for long. I’ll even promise not to kill him, unless you want me to, of course.’  
‘If you kill him I might die.’ I reminded him. ‘And he knows that too.’  
‘You spoil all my fun.’ He leant towards me and I let him. ‘So you’ll tell him?’  
‘I want to tell him in person. He deserves that.’  
‘Low blow.’ He murmured, as he looked down at my lips before licking his own.  
‘Truth.’  
He didn’t have a reply, or decided not to use one, and kissed me, pushing me back onto the couch and laying the length of me. His lips teased at mine slowly as my arms curved around his back and he settled himself further between my thighs, kissing across my cheek.  
‘This is a white couch.’ I said softly.  
‘It’s leather.’ He said against my pulse, the vibration of his voice making me sigh.  
‘But aren’t we supposed to be being vigilant and running and stuff?’ I whispered back and he sighed.  
‘You really are determined to spoil all my fun.’  
‘I’m determined not to die because we were too busy getting dirty to notice someone sneaking up on us.’  
‘This place has proximity sensors.’  
‘Didn’t sense Donna.’ I murmured half heartedly as his lips reached mine.  
He leant back and gave me a worried look. ‘Shit.’ He pushed himself off me quickly and ran from the room. I followed him, finding him a few doors down the hallway with a large selection of monitors showing various video feeds and seated at a large computer screen. His hands flew over the keyboard while his eyes darted across what he found.  
‘Shit.’  
‘You said that.’ He glanced at me in the doorway before turning to the bank of monitors.  
‘Someone has fucked with the system so subtly I didn’t even notice.’  
‘I figured. So what do we do?’  
The answer came not from Edward, but from further down the house, with the sound of breaking glass.  
‘We run!’ He had a gun in his hand and was on his feet as I spun with my Browning drawn. He shoved something into my left hand and looked up and down the hallway.  
‘That way.’ I whispered, nodding towards the direction the glass had come from and he nodded, ushering me ahead of him down the hallway in the opposite direction, just as the front door blew open with a blast that had me stagger back into him.  
‘Bathroom.’ He pushed me towards it and bolted the door behind us. ‘Out the window.’  
‘You won’t fit through the window!’ I hissed at him.  
‘I don’t need to.’ He reached behind the sink into the alcove the base made and pulled out a semiautomatic gun of some sort. ‘Get to the car and go, don’t wait for me.’  
‘I won’t leave you behind!’ I tried to grab his arm but I remembered both hands were full and I looked down to see what he had shoved into my hand was a car key.  
‘I’ll follow. Just go two towns over and check in to the first motel listed in their phone book under your mom’s maiden name. I’ll meet you there.’  
‘What about whoever is out there?’  
‘Shoot to kill, don’t ask questions.’ He said seriously as he opened the window and offered me his back to climb on. ‘Go.’  
‘This sucks.’ I told him as I put up the Browning and pocketed the key before I stepped first onto the toilet seat then his back, pulling myself up on the windowsill.  
‘Mind the cacti.’ He said as he straightened, pushing my legs to get me to hurry. Which would have been great, if I was expecting it. I bit back a yelp as I fell out of the window and onto the ground, landing right beside the small bed of cacti he had just warned me about. I lay still for a moment, trying to catch my breath as I drew my Browning and checking all around in case anyone saw me. I couldn’t see anyone and as they seemed to be going for a full on assault I had to assume they hadn’t seen me and weren’t hiding. I drew my legs up under me into a low crouch and waited, listening for anything before setting off towards the main area of the house. I knew there was a large glass door in the kitchen but I also knew someone was definitely at the front door and other end of the house, this way I was less likely to bump into anyone, I hoped.  
Of course I wasn’t that lucky. Someone was working on the kitchen door, a man with an earpiece, dressed all in that brown sandy camouflage gear which matched the surrounding area better than the standard green would, and seemed to be working on some kind of explosive around the hinges. That wasn’t going to happen. I stilled myself, sighting down my arm, releasing my breath and pulling the trigger.  
The sound of the gunshot was loud in the silence but it hit home, the guy’s head exploding in a fine mist, but I knew it would have drawn the attention of everyone else here. I was up and running before the body even hit the floor, definitely before whoever was in the house could see me dart by the large windows, and I was at the corner of the house as audio bedlam reached my ears. Something was going on in the house, I could hear sounds of a scuffle, shouting, then two short bursts of gunfire, and I had to hope it was Edward doing the shooting. I looked around the corner and found it clear so I crouched low and made my way as fast as I could to the corner leading to the front of the house, where I could just see the back of the Hummer. Peering around the edge I could see a set of legs on the far side of the vehicle, the drivers side, walking back and forth as though patrolling, waiting. Best thing I could do about that, hit and hope.  
I double checked there was no one at the front of the house before laying down, steadying my aim as I tracked the legs under the vehicle, grateful for its extra ground clearance, and again I went to my killing place, sighting and firing. I was rewarded with a blossom of blood and a yelp as whoever it was went down. I knew it wouldn’t have been enough to kill them but a distraction was all I needed. I got up again and ran full speed towards the passenger door, hitting the unlock button. I was up and in the cab as I became aware of more yelling from the house and I was sure I had been spotted. I locked the doors and slid into the drivers seat, hitting the start button and slamming it into reverse gear. It felt like driving a tank, the steering wheel was so big, the turning circle so wide, but as I heard the metallic ping I assumed was bullets hitting the exterior I decided not to care about it being ungainly and punched it back down Edward’s driveway. I had to trust him, I had to believe he would make it out, and I had to hope to hell he was right.

I did as he suggested, driving two towns over until I found a small diner with a phone book I could borrow. I bought a coffee while I was there, hoping it would help calm my nerves, but it did little to take the edge off the fear that something could have happened to Edward, that he might not have got away. I booked into the motel in question, using the name Flores and paying cash. I booked a bare basic room, it was all I needed, and I wouldn’t sleep, not until I knew he was okay. I parked the Hummer around the side of the building, away from the view of the road, then waited in the car until I was sure no one was around, then I went to the room, leaving the bags where they were.  
The room was dark with nothing but the rattling hum of an old out of shape air-conditioning unit, the noise from outside almost completely obscured. I paced the small room, up and down in front of the bed and when that became too tiring I positioned one of the two chairs by the window so I could see through the dirty net curtains as traffic came and went, not that I knew what I was looking for.  
The sun set, and my stomach rumbled, but I didn’t move, I kept watch for him, hoping, until my body finally gave out, and I fell in a light sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Another mini cliffhanger! Yesterday I had one of my besties over for the day and she read the first part of this in front of me. I have never, ever, watched someone read one of my cliffhangers before and let me tell you, the reaction was worth it! I howled laughing as she growled at me and complained she couldn't believe what I did! I then apologised by saying 'sorry, not sorry' and sent her all the completed parts I had! Love you, Deni, but you made my day yesterday in so many ways!
> 
> Also, who noticed the Supernatural reference? Anyone?
> 
> 'Ted''s NM State shirt, if you're interested! (I am a research whore).  
> http://www.fanatics.com/COLLEGE_New_Mexico_State_Aggies_Mens_T-Shirts/New_Mexico_State_Aggies_Double_Bar_Tri-Blend_T-Shirt_-_Maroon


End file.
